The Advice given by My Dad That Saved Me when I became a New Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

But the reality quickly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need assistance. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a wider failure to communicate among men, who often internalise damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - taking a couple of days away, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."